


chat room nine

by isloremipsumafterall



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Gen, there's some background jadzia/worf and jadzia/kira but it's mostly just gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isloremipsumafterall/pseuds/isloremipsumafterall
Summary: oh, worm changed captainsisko’s name to putting the dad in crawdaddiesputting the dad in crawdaddies:dax.
Comments: 23
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> do I know what I'm doing? no. am I doing it anyway? yes.

March 12th, 2372 06:07

**oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to an inch to the left**

**oh, worm changed captainsisko’s name to putting the dad in crawdaddies**

* * *

March 12th, 2372 06:32

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** dax.

 **oh, worm:** ;3

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** this is an officers chat designed to help efficiency.

 **oh, worm:** lighten up ben, last night you posted pictures of your latest recipe

 **oh, worm:** also we let quark in here, I think our standards lowered then

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** I thought that was when I agreed to have you stationed here, old man

 **oh, worm:** benjamin!

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** ;3

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** jadzia please don’t tell me you just taught the captain emoticons.

 **oh, worm:** >:D

* * *

March 12th, 2372, 06:40

**an inch to the left changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**chiefofsecurity:** dax.

**oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to constagooble**

**oh, worm:** believe me odo. I can go all day.

* * *

March 12th, 2372 07:01

 **secret agent man:** are we going to skip over the fact that the chief is aware of emoticons?

 **oh, worm:** damn julian, you’re right.

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** had to happen some time.

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** what’s an emoticon?

 **oh, worm:** now all feels right in the world.

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** shut up julian.

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** molly showed me.

 **secret agent man:** she’s four.

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** my children will be always be smarter than you, julian.

 **oh, worm:** congrats by the way! I know it’s early but these nine months will fly by I’m sure.

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too: @putting the dad in crawdaddies** , I would like to discuss taking some time off.

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** I don’t know how she can manage pregnancy, I’m not sure I’d be able to.

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** I’m sure Worf would help you out.

**today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too is offline**

**[oh, worm - > a miles a day keeps the doctor away]**

**oh, worm:** please tell me there’s a story here.

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** it started when the Enterprise was struck by quantum filaments

 **oh, worm:** hang on, I’m replicating popcorn

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** it’s not even 8

 **oh, worm:** just keep going

* * *

March 12th, 2372, 11:47

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** quark I can tell you’re using spam bots in the system, it’s taxing the processors.

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun, come right now, don't walk, run!

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** **@constagooble** take care of this

 **oh, worm:** I don’t think that’s necessary ben. kira just left.

 **secret agent man:** I’ll go prepare sickbay

**constagooble changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**chiefofsecurity:** I’ll prepare a cell

**oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to hot glue**

**oh, worm:** ;3

**[hot glue - > come to Quark’s, drinks on you]**

**hot glue** : and here I thought ear piercings weren’t your thing.

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** shut up odo

* * *

March 12th, 2372 13:07

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** why am I still finding Cardassian voles in the upper walls of the station?

 **oh, worm:** they like to feel tall

* * *

March 12th, 2372, 15:34

 **oh, worm: @today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too** we still good for dinner tonight?

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too:** I will be there.

 **oh, worm: @punch a lizard in the dick** we still good for breakfast tomorrow?

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** so long as the replicators are working.

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** I’m working on it.

 **oh, worm:** I always have some gagh leftover.

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** dax no.

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too:** I would prefer that to the promenade.

 **oh, worm:** you win some you lose some.

**hot glue changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to legally you have to tell us if you’re a cop**

**oh, worm:** and I’m winning this one

**[putting the dad in crawdaddies - > oh, worm]**

**putting the dad in crawdaddies:** are you hitting on both the Major and Commander in the chat?

 **oh, worm:** you only live once ben, I see no reason to limit myself.

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** you’ve lived eight lives dax.

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** I can see you’re still online.

* * *

March 12th, 2372 16:47

 **a miles a day keeps the doctor away:** quark did you move our Alamo figures?

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** I wanted to since it was taking up table space but bashir paid up so no. I didn’t, it’d be bad for business to lose regular clients because of this.

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow is too:** No matter the planning you do you will not win that battle.

 **oh, worm:** didn’t peg you as a quitter worf

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow is too:** They need more numbers.

 **oh, worm:** Or a Klingon?

 **secret agent man:** you’re welcome to join worf. Soon as we find out where our figures are.

 **a mile a day keeps the doctor away:** keiko says she hasn’t seen them.

 **secret agent man:** leeta says she didn’t see anyone move them.

 **a mile a day keeps the doctor away:** I’m replicating more now just in case.

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow works too:** You need more soldiers anyway.

 **a mile a day keeps the doctor away:** that isn’t accurate then.

 **secret agent man:** no no, he’s on to something.

**[oh, worm - > come to Quark’s, drinks on you]**

**oh, worm:** your tongo debt is wiped to zero now, quark.

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** just remember to move them out of my storage.

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** unless you’d like to store them there for fifty latinum a day.

 **oh, worm:** I’ll pick them up at tongo tonight

* * *

March 12, 2372 18:12

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** [img: roster file]

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** thank you Major. Please change Lieutenant’s Portant and T’Von’s shifts, they spoke to me earlier.

 **oh, worm:** are you using this for actual work?

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** for it’s intended use.

 **oh, worm:** boring.

 **oh, worm:** aren’t you supposed to be spending this time with jake and kasidy anyway?

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** [img: jake working on a padd] he’s working on a new novel.

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** [img: kasidy working on her own roster]

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** [img: a jambalaya being stirred]

 **oh, worm:** so…

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** you can come over.

 **oh, worm:** can I bring worf?

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** I’d expect you to.

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies: @punch a lizard in the dick** you’re welcome over as well.

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** be there soon.

* * *

March 12th, 2372 18:40

 **oh, worm:** [img: edge of plate of jambalaya, most of the picture is both worf and kira sitting across from her]

 **oh, worm:** how’s the love life going, julian?

 **secret agent man:** show off.

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** [img: plate of jambalaya]

 **secret agent man:** ?

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** I thought we were showing off?

 **oh, worm:** nobody tell her.

 **punch a lizard in the dick:** dax.

* * *

March 12th, 2372 20:02

 **oh, worm: @legally you have to tell us if you’re a cop** you couldn’t have waited to arrest quark till after I got my winnings?

**legally you have to tell us if you’re a cop changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**chiefofsecurity:** tough luck, dax

**oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name to the goo-do**

* * *

March 12th, 2372 21:53

 **noggin’:** you won’t believe what the officers chatroom is like

 **write-tajino:** I’ve heard stories.

* * *

March 13th, 2372 00:16

**goo-do changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

* * *

March 13th, 2372 06:08

**oh, worm changed chiefofsecurity’s name the liquid embodiment of a stick up your ass**

**oh, worm changed their name to it’s a lovely morning on ds9 and you are a horrible worm**

**it’s a lovely morning on ds9 and you are a horrible worm:** good morning everyone

 **it’s a lovely morning on ds9 and you are a horrible worm:** ;3


	2. chat room nine 2: revenge of the worms

August 12th 2372 08:45

**[n(sp)ot safe for work - > putting the dad in crawdaddies]**

**n(sp)ot safe for work:** benjamin what would you do if I brought in a bunch of worms to the station and pretended that they were my past hosts?

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** what’s in the box at your station?

 **n(sp)ot safe for work:** ;3

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** dax what’s in the box?

 **n(sp)ot safe for work:** now ben, let’s not open that can of worms ;3

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** at least wait till I’m off the station, old man.

August 26th 2372 06:15

**[officer chat]**

**n(sp)ot safe for work changed their name to wwwd (what would worms do)**

**wwwd (what would worms do) changed chiefofsecurity’s name to someone like goo**

August 26th 2373 07:24

**[officer chat]**

**Come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** I found another worm in the bar.

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** I thought we already got them all?

 **Come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** I don’t mind the free food of course but I did think we all agreed no more worms in the promenade.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** well you heard the man, ben. I can’t come into work today.

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** you don’t work on the promenade.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** ben I’m clearly mourning the loss of my old hosts here

 **have you tried turning it off and on again:** I still can’t believe julian fell for that

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** we had a funeral! jadzia told me it was torias and now all her memories of him were gone!

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** and you believed her??

 **have you tried turning it off and on again:** you’re a doctor julian. you studied trills.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** well we can’t blame julian for everything, I am very persuasive.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** for what it’s worth I thought julian’s speech on torias was very touching.

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** well I did get to know him somewhat when you made us do that ritual

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** that was fun.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** we should do that again.

**have you tried turning it off and on again is offline**

**cardassian free (personal) space is offline**

**Come to Quark’s, drinks on you is offline**

**not tonight dear, I have a holodeck is offline**

**putting the dad in crawdaddies is offline**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** worf?

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow works to:** no.

**today is a good day to die, tomorrow works to is offline**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** :(

August 26th 2373, 09:47

**[women and worms]**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** soooooo

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** I already said no in the other chat, dax

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** technically you didn’t say no, you just left

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** I was diplomatically saying no

 **leeta-rrific:** I’ve seen kira’s ‘no’s before. that is diplomatic.

 **stealing second and your man:** what is this about?

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** don’t ask

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** >:3

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** I was just wondering if you’d help with a trill ritual

 **leeta-rrific:** oh it was fun last time!

 **the grass is always greener on my side:** I think miles told me about this, it’s taking on your past hosts personality?

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** close enough

 **stealing second and your man:** benjamin just sent me a text that said ‘warning: dax’

 **stealing second and your man:** so I’m in

 **the grass is always greener on my side:** maybe after I give birth

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** if you need anything keiko let us know

 **the grass is always greener on my side:** if only you could do this for me

August 26th 2373, 09:54

**[wwwd (what would worms do) - > putting the dad in crawdaddies]**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** rude!

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** true

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** fair

August 26th 2373, 11:32

**[officer chat]**

**have you tried turning it off and then on again:** who touched the server?

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** problem, chief?

 **have you tried turning it off and then on again:** yes there’s a problem, someone’s been fiddling with the files in the server, this will take hours to fix

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** have you tried turning it off and then on again?

 **have you tried turning it off and then on again:** shut up julian

**have you tried turning it off and then on again changed their name to have you tried turning julian off**

**someone like goo changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** you’re getting slow odo

 **chiefofsecurity:** how many of these do you have, dax?

**wwwd (what would worms do) changed chiefofsecurity’s name to beige**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** eight lifetimes worth of ideas

 **beige:** this one is a little lacking I think

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** I guess we’re all having an off day

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** you know what could help?

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** getting out of our heads.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** or letting someone else chill there for a bit

**beige is offline**

**have you tried turning julian off is offline**

**not tonight dear, I have a holodeck is offline**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** something I said?

August 26th 2373, 13:15

**[officer chat]**

**beige changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**wwwd (what would worms do) changed chiefofsecurity’s name to you ooze, you lose**

**you ooze, you lose:** how would you like it if I changed yours?

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** odo I welcome changes

 **you ooze, you lose:** are all Trills like you?

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** if they’re lucky ;3

August 26th 2373, 13:20

 **[come to Quark’s, drinks on you - > ** **wwwd (what would worms do)]**

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** do you take suggestions?

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** I’m listening…

August 26th 2373, 14:38

**[officer chat]**

**you ooze, you lose changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**wwwd (what would worms do) changed chiefofsecurity’s name to woke up and my face stuck like this**

**woke up and my face stuck like this:** Quark.

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** dax did it

 **woke up and my face stuck like this:** Doubtful it was just her this time.

 **come to Quark’s, drinks on you:** are you spying on me again?

 **woke up and my face stuck like this:** you assumed I ever stopped.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** and ben tells me to stop flirting in this chat

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow works to:** You have been flirting in this chat?

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** I’m…

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** ben help

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** you’re on your own dax.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** I have seven old lifetimes in me. I’m never on my own.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** unless of course there was a ritual going on where other people took those old lifetimes.

**woke up and my face stuck like this is offline**

**come to Quark’s, drinks on you is offline**

**today is a good day die, tomorrow works to is offline**

**putting the dad in crawdaddies is offline**

**wwwd (what would worms do):** I sure know how to clear a room.

August 26th 2373, 17:02

 **[cardassian free (personal) space** **- >** **wwwd (what would worms do]**

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** it’s been an hour, stop pouting at me

August 26th 2373, 17:10

 **[cardassian free (personal) space** **- >** **wwwd (what would worms do]**

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** fine!

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** :3

August 26th 2373, 17:46

**[officer chat]**

**cardassian free (personal) space:** I think we should hear dax out

 **have you tried turning julian off:** she got to you didn’t she?

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** it’s the face

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** I am adorable and hard to ignore

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** I suppose it couldn’t hurt

 **have you tried turning julian off:** dammit julian!

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** I’m a doctor! I’m naturally curious!

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** it’s a trill fact that daxes make the best curiosities

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** I’m not falling for more “trill facts”

 **have you tried turning julian off:** doubt

 **cardassian free (personal) space:** doubt

 **putting the dad in crawdaddies:** doubt

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** doubt

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** can I have some faith please?

 **today is a good day to die, tomorrow works to:** doubt

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** et tu worf?

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** don’t worry julian, I do believe in you

 **not tonight dear, I have a holodeck:** doubt

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** now.

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** let’s discuss dates that work for everyone

 **wwwd (what would worms do):** >:3

August 26th 2373, 23:45

**woke up and my face stuck like this changed their name to chiefofsecurity**

**chiefofsecurity:** I thought we all agreed to stop listening to dax’s ideas

**wwwd (what would worms do) changed chiefofsecurity’s name to slip and slime**

**wwwd (what would worms do) changed their name to I'm all out of worms, so lost worm-out you**

**I'm all out of worms, so lost worm-out you:** I think worms should vote

 **I'm all out of worms, so lost worm-out you:** ;3


End file.
